Monday, October 6, 2008
Sacred Question
Think of something in your life that you could turn from a problem to a triumph. It could be something that you are now dealing with or an old situation that still haunts you - if it's something old think of how you learned from it and how it opened other doors.
Turning Life's Troubles into Triumphs
In living life as art one must look at everything that happens as part of that art. Think about it, when you go see a great movie or read a terrific book the plot of the story always has some conflict in it, some problem that the main character has to solve, has to deal with, has to come to terms with. It's not all sunshine and flowers or moonshine and romance - something has to happen, and that something has to be a challenge to the hero of the story or the story is, well, dull and boring.
So this week I'd like to ask each of you to think about whatever negative thing that is going on in your life right now as a potential triumph. It might not feel that way at the moment but if you just do as Wayne Dyer says and change the way you look at things so the things you look at can change you’ll be surprised at the outcome, I guarantee it. So let's start with the current financial crisis on Wall Street. Some of you may be worried about this.
I have a friend whose daughter and her husband and their three children recently sold their house and put an offer on another one - then because the children needed to start school in their new neighborhood they made the decision to move out prior to the closing on the house they owned. They moved in with her father, who happened to live in the same neighborhood as the new house while they waited for the paperwork on this new house to be processed. But then the unthinkable happened - the people who had "bought" their house failed to meet the standards of the mortgage company even though my friend's daughter and her husband had been assured they had met all the requirements and were fully pre-qualified.
Of course what this meant was that they had to put their house back on the market, forfeit the house they were going to buy and live with Granddad for a few more weeks - months as it turned out - that was in July and it is now the first part of October - no buyer in sight and the country in a credit and mortgage crisis. It now looks as if they will have to move back into their old house and stay there at least through the winter months - even in a good market the dead of winter is not a good time to sell a house.
This could put a sour taste in one’s mouth. But in this case it did not, at least not after a few weeks of making an effort to change the way they were looking at this so the thing could change for them. They began to ask themselves how can we turn this into a triumph?
The first thing this young woman began thinking about was how much money they would be saving if they moved back to the old house - the payment was about half of what the new one would have been. The second thing is her youngest child went off to kindergarten and she began to notice how bored she was on her own and how much free time she had without the kids there all day. She had been a stay at home mom up to this point and had devoted herself to her kids, her husband and her home. But now she could see the light at the end of the tunnel and something began to beckon her from the other end. A new thought began to emerge.
Maybe with the savings on the house payment and the free time she now had, maybe it was time for her to go back to school and get a teaching certificate. The old school even had all day kindergarten and so she could go to school and be home with the kids when they got home. By the time she got her master's the economy would probably have rebounded and plus she could get a job – a job in a school and be on the same schedule as her kids. Maybe things happen for a reason she started thinking. So they moved back into the old house and she will begin her master’s program in January. The kids are happy, they loved the old neighborhood anyway, the husband is happy, he wasn’t thrilled about the higher monthly payments and Mom is really happy too. As Dr. Phil always says, “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” So this spot of trouble, which at first looked like nothing but frustration and disappointment, has turned out to be the best thing possible for all concerned. Not only that, but they all got to live in the new neighborhood and found that in reality it wasn't any better in any substantial way than the old one.
What about you? Can you think of something in your life that you could turn from a problem to a possibility, from a pain to a pleasure, from a worry to a wonderful new idea, from a loss to a lesson in love or growth? Think about it and I bet you can, if you just take a different approach, look at it from a different angle and turn that old bugaboo of a problem into a beauty of a triumph.
Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sacred Question
Think of a negative event that has happened to you in the last year and re-frame it to a positive.
Change the Way You Explain Your Life and Your Life Changes
One of my favorite psychology writers is Dr. Martin Seligman of the Positive Psychology movement. This movement is about looking at what's right with people rather than what's wrong with them. One of Seligman's early books was on Learned Optimism. His theis is that even if you are a born pessimist and unfornutantly some people are, you can learn to be more optimistic just by changing how you think about things and especially how you "explain" what happens to you and the world around you. He calls it explanatory style.
Explanatory Style - Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
So the next time something happens to you that could be "explained" in a negative or pessimistic way, think about how you might explain it in a positive way. Use the old, Fake it till you make it concept even if at first you don't think this will work - by the way, that lasts is a typical pesssimistic outlook.
In the psychology business we call this re-framing - so take some negative event and explain it to yourself in a positive way. For example, the government is about to do a 700 billion dollar bailout of Wall Street - Well, that could certainly be looked at in a negative way - but how about seeing it as a positive in that we are in an election year and all eyes are on this problem and the candidates are going to work overtime to make sure this kind of thing does not happen again, so change will happen, new regulations will be put in place and the craziness that has been going on will stop or at least slow down - sometimes you have to have a negative before a positive can be instituted but for those who think in positive ways, the crisis is seen as an opportunity and not the beginning of a long depression. In fact, as you listen to the debates and ads for the candidates see if you can pick out the optimistic ones from the doom and gloom ones and remember optimists have better presents and futures.
Remember to vote! Blessings, Lorraine
Explanatory Style - Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
So the next time something happens to you that could be "explained" in a negative or pessimistic way, think about how you might explain it in a positive way. Use the old, Fake it till you make it concept even if at first you don't think this will work - by the way, that lasts is a typical pesssimistic outlook.
In the psychology business we call this re-framing - so take some negative event and explain it to yourself in a positive way. For example, the government is about to do a 700 billion dollar bailout of Wall Street - Well, that could certainly be looked at in a negative way - but how about seeing it as a positive in that we are in an election year and all eyes are on this problem and the candidates are going to work overtime to make sure this kind of thing does not happen again, so change will happen, new regulations will be put in place and the craziness that has been going on will stop or at least slow down - sometimes you have to have a negative before a positive can be instituted but for those who think in positive ways, the crisis is seen as an opportunity and not the beginning of a long depression. In fact, as you listen to the debates and ads for the candidates see if you can pick out the optimistic ones from the doom and gloom ones and remember optimists have better presents and futures.
Remember to vote! Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saccred Question
Who in your past are you most grateful to and why? Have you really thanked them for thier contribution to your life?
Gratitude Visit
Today's post comes from Professor Martin Seligman, PH.D of the University of Pennsylvania, he is the author of Authentic Happiness a book that changed the way I looked at my life and gave me a sense of how I could change things for the better, for myself and for my coaching and psychotherapy clients. I took Dr. Seligman's Authentic Happiness Coaching class - a six-month long twice-weekly class done via telephone with 300 other students. It was a wonderful class and I loved everything I learned in it and use it everyday in my life and my work.
One of the main concepts of this class is the idea of learned optimism, which is also the title of one of Seligman’s other books. A tenant of optimism is gratitude. If we are not grateful for what we have, who we are and what comes our way, then it will be hard for us to be happy. I see this every day in my practice - people come to me complaining about what isn't right in their lives.
At our first meeting I ask them to make a list of what is right in their life and to begin a program of focusing on the good and not the bad. This is not to say there are not difficulties, problems, pain and sorrow in the lives of those who seek out counseling, of course there is or they would have no reason to seek out my services. But what I often find with people is that this non-grateful, down in the mouth way of living and thinking is habitual. In many cases, even when things are going well they either take it for granted or they say yeah, but it won't be long until something bad happens. They focus on the negative and in the process bring more towards them.
Today I am sharing an idea that will bring gratitude into your consciousness and start a process of thinking in a grateful way about your life. This exercise is called a Gratitude Visit.
Select one important person from your past who has made a major positive difference in your life and to whom you have never fully expressed your thanks.
Choose someone who is still alive and accessible to you, preferably someone who lives in the same city as you.
Write your testimonial just long enough to cover one laminated page. Take your time composing this – several weeks if required.
Invite that person to your home or travel to that person’s home. It is important that you do this face to face, not just in writing or on the phone. Do not tell the person the purpose of the visit in advance.
Bring a laminated version of your testimonial with you as a gift. Read your testimonial aloud slowly, with expression and eye contact. Then let the other person react unhurriedly. Reminisce together about the concrete events that make this person so important to you.
I did this exercise with my ex husband several years after we were divorced. I had dealt with the pain of the divorce and felt that he had too - we were at a point where I knew this would not open a can of worms and cause any negative fall out. I realized that I was grateful to him for many, many things including being a great father, provider and all round good guy so I wrote him my gratitude letter and went over to his house and read it to him. Of course it made me cry but it was a freeing experience.
It opened up our relationship as parents and members of a family. We created a family when we had children and now that they are grown we are still in that family. We have three grandchildren and see each other at family events all the time. Now instead of feeling uncomfortable and sometimes tense at these gatherings I feel relaxed and like I am with family and I am - the vibe between us is like an uncle or even a brother - we're family and we appreciate each other - we even count on each other for things without there being any hidden agendas about getting back together or being upset with each other.
Now you don't have to pick an ex husband to do your gratitude letter with - make it someone that you simply want to thank for their kindness, generosity, friendship or help. We all have people like this so give it some thought and let me know how it goes.
Blessings, Lorraine
One of the main concepts of this class is the idea of learned optimism, which is also the title of one of Seligman’s other books. A tenant of optimism is gratitude. If we are not grateful for what we have, who we are and what comes our way, then it will be hard for us to be happy. I see this every day in my practice - people come to me complaining about what isn't right in their lives.
At our first meeting I ask them to make a list of what is right in their life and to begin a program of focusing on the good and not the bad. This is not to say there are not difficulties, problems, pain and sorrow in the lives of those who seek out counseling, of course there is or they would have no reason to seek out my services. But what I often find with people is that this non-grateful, down in the mouth way of living and thinking is habitual. In many cases, even when things are going well they either take it for granted or they say yeah, but it won't be long until something bad happens. They focus on the negative and in the process bring more towards them.
Today I am sharing an idea that will bring gratitude into your consciousness and start a process of thinking in a grateful way about your life. This exercise is called a Gratitude Visit.
Select one important person from your past who has made a major positive difference in your life and to whom you have never fully expressed your thanks.
Choose someone who is still alive and accessible to you, preferably someone who lives in the same city as you.
Write your testimonial just long enough to cover one laminated page. Take your time composing this – several weeks if required.
Invite that person to your home or travel to that person’s home. It is important that you do this face to face, not just in writing or on the phone. Do not tell the person the purpose of the visit in advance.
Bring a laminated version of your testimonial with you as a gift. Read your testimonial aloud slowly, with expression and eye contact. Then let the other person react unhurriedly. Reminisce together about the concrete events that make this person so important to you.
I did this exercise with my ex husband several years after we were divorced. I had dealt with the pain of the divorce and felt that he had too - we were at a point where I knew this would not open a can of worms and cause any negative fall out. I realized that I was grateful to him for many, many things including being a great father, provider and all round good guy so I wrote him my gratitude letter and went over to his house and read it to him. Of course it made me cry but it was a freeing experience.
It opened up our relationship as parents and members of a family. We created a family when we had children and now that they are grown we are still in that family. We have three grandchildren and see each other at family events all the time. Now instead of feeling uncomfortable and sometimes tense at these gatherings I feel relaxed and like I am with family and I am - the vibe between us is like an uncle or even a brother - we're family and we appreciate each other - we even count on each other for things without there being any hidden agendas about getting back together or being upset with each other.
Now you don't have to pick an ex husband to do your gratitude letter with - make it someone that you simply want to thank for their kindness, generosity, friendship or help. We all have people like this so give it some thought and let me know how it goes.
Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sacred Question
When darkness descends what do you do to pull yourself out and bring lightness back to your world?
Turning Darkness into Light
Ah, Fall...the weather turns crisp, the leaves begin to change color, the nights are cool and for some of us it's a time of new beginnings. I always think of Fall as the beginning of a new year. I'm sure this comes from when I was a kid and school started in September. I would get new clothes, shiny new school supplies and a new teacher. I'd learn new subjects and meet new friends. I loved it. For me Fall was like the line from that old Simon and Garfunkle song, "..kicking down the cobble stones and feeling groovy..." I would walk home from school kicking up the fallen leaves and feeling, well, groovy...life was indeed, good.
But now that I'm a little older, okay, a lot older, I don't have quite the same great feeling about Fall as I did then. As an adult, Fall does not automatically announce new beginnings. Mostly what it announces is the start of darkness - I know that sounds pretty ominous but what I have found is that it's the lack of light that causes all the trouble. You see in the summer we get an average of about 13 hours of daily sunlight available to us - if we get up at 7am and it doesn't get dark until 8pm - that's thirteen hours of sunlight, but in the winter with Day Light Savings time we get about four hours less because by 5pm it's pretty dark. This causes some of us to get the blues - the winter blues.
So what does this have to do with calling? Well, if one is down in the dumps and feeling like a bear wanting to hibernate it's hard to think about, much less do anything about our calling. What we have to do is take action to keep our momentum from the summer months. I have come up with some ideas to keep us upbeat and positive and therefore open to our calling.
Light Therapy - If, like me you think lack of light is a problem for you then build or buy yourself a light therapy box. There are many sources available on the Internet - just put SAD light therapy in your browser and go from there.
For Stress Relief - Use Breathing as a way to release the stress. Take a deep breath – in fact take 5-10 separate deep breaths and as you take each one hold it in to the count of ten and let it out slowly.
Meditate – People who meditate tend to be more positive/serene that those who don’t.
Re-Frame your situation – tell yourself “This too shall pass.” Or marshal evidence that your pessimistic thoughts are just that, you thinking the worst – re-frame it to you thinking the best.
Visualize what you really want in this situation – if you can, find a picture and post it near you with the new way you want things.
Distract yourself – go do something else – do a mindless chore or simply take a break - read a really good book that is uplifting or funny or that takes you to a better place.
Create a Joy Basket – put all kinds of things in it such as quotes that inspire you, books that are uplifting, a list of activities you like to do, some chocolate, a tea bag to remind yourself to make yourself a cup of tea. Pictures of loved ones or things that you love such as the ocean or the mountains or your favorite animal.
Go for a walk in nature.
Remember some good news even if it was a long time ago – try to get that feeling back when you did something you really loved doing or something special you accomplished.
Call a friend and ask them what good thing has happened to them lately – joy is contagious but so is negativity – no pity parties.
Go to a funny or romantic or action movie – go with a friend or go alone – enjoy your independence.
Wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you start the negative self talk snap it back – this will snap you back into your true self which is always positive and seeking authentic happiness.
Give thanks everyday for the good in your life – do the Three Blessings Exercise by writing down in a journal or little notebook what you felt blessed with that day.
Pay attention to your dreams and write down in a little notebook any ones that seem related to your calling.
Use the winter months to grow and heal. If you don't feel this is the time to actually answer your soul's call then begin a program to heal old wounds and clean out any psychic closets that are filled with oudated ideas, old beliefs that no longer work or anything esle that limits you.
Learn something new - as we did in our school years - something related to our calling. For example, since writing is my calling I am using this winter to learn everything I can about book publishing so that in the Spring when my book is finished I'll be ready for the next steps in the process.
With these ideas we can turn a potentially dark time into a time of light and energy, maybe not the same energy some of us have in Spring and Summer but productive energy none the less. Let me know how you do with these and if you have others you'd like to share, I'd love to learn about them.
Blessings, Lorraine
But now that I'm a little older, okay, a lot older, I don't have quite the same great feeling about Fall as I did then. As an adult, Fall does not automatically announce new beginnings. Mostly what it announces is the start of darkness - I know that sounds pretty ominous but what I have found is that it's the lack of light that causes all the trouble. You see in the summer we get an average of about 13 hours of daily sunlight available to us - if we get up at 7am and it doesn't get dark until 8pm - that's thirteen hours of sunlight, but in the winter with Day Light Savings time we get about four hours less because by 5pm it's pretty dark. This causes some of us to get the blues - the winter blues.
So what does this have to do with calling? Well, if one is down in the dumps and feeling like a bear wanting to hibernate it's hard to think about, much less do anything about our calling. What we have to do is take action to keep our momentum from the summer months. I have come up with some ideas to keep us upbeat and positive and therefore open to our calling.
Light Therapy - If, like me you think lack of light is a problem for you then build or buy yourself a light therapy box. There are many sources available on the Internet - just put SAD light therapy in your browser and go from there.
For Stress Relief - Use Breathing as a way to release the stress. Take a deep breath – in fact take 5-10 separate deep breaths and as you take each one hold it in to the count of ten and let it out slowly.
Meditate – People who meditate tend to be more positive/serene that those who don’t.
Re-Frame your situation – tell yourself “This too shall pass.” Or marshal evidence that your pessimistic thoughts are just that, you thinking the worst – re-frame it to you thinking the best.
Visualize what you really want in this situation – if you can, find a picture and post it near you with the new way you want things.
Distract yourself – go do something else – do a mindless chore or simply take a break - read a really good book that is uplifting or funny or that takes you to a better place.
Create a Joy Basket – put all kinds of things in it such as quotes that inspire you, books that are uplifting, a list of activities you like to do, some chocolate, a tea bag to remind yourself to make yourself a cup of tea. Pictures of loved ones or things that you love such as the ocean or the mountains or your favorite animal.
Go for a walk in nature.
Remember some good news even if it was a long time ago – try to get that feeling back when you did something you really loved doing or something special you accomplished.
Call a friend and ask them what good thing has happened to them lately – joy is contagious but so is negativity – no pity parties.
Go to a funny or romantic or action movie – go with a friend or go alone – enjoy your independence.
Wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you start the negative self talk snap it back – this will snap you back into your true self which is always positive and seeking authentic happiness.
Give thanks everyday for the good in your life – do the Three Blessings Exercise by writing down in a journal or little notebook what you felt blessed with that day.
Pay attention to your dreams and write down in a little notebook any ones that seem related to your calling.
Use the winter months to grow and heal. If you don't feel this is the time to actually answer your soul's call then begin a program to heal old wounds and clean out any psychic closets that are filled with oudated ideas, old beliefs that no longer work or anything esle that limits you.
Learn something new - as we did in our school years - something related to our calling. For example, since writing is my calling I am using this winter to learn everything I can about book publishing so that in the Spring when my book is finished I'll be ready for the next steps in the process.
With these ideas we can turn a potentially dark time into a time of light and energy, maybe not the same energy some of us have in Spring and Summer but productive energy none the less. Let me know how you do with these and if you have others you'd like to share, I'd love to learn about them.
Blessings, Lorraine
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Sacred Connection Between Creativity and Your Soul
One of the most profound ways of knowing that you're in contact with your soul is through the act of creating something. This is why when we see a pregnant woman most of us feel a kind of reverence for her – we know that she is in a sacred state of creation. There is an aura around her that encourages a kind of amazement. She is living a soulful, spiritual and creative experience. When we see a great work of art such as Michael Angelo’s, David, most of us feel a sense of soul within that work too. When I watched the recent Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics I felt the hearts and souls of the thousands it took to put on that showcase of Chinese ingenuity. The creativity was awe-inspiring and I felt the collective soul of the Chinese people that night watching it
Now we don’t have to create an Olympic Opening Ceremony or sculpt a David or even have a baby to be creative and in touch with our souls. Everyone is creative by nature and with a little nurture can be even more so. Most of us are a lot more creative than we give ourselves credit for and therefore a lot more in touch with our souls than we may think. The act of creation is all around us – new ideas, new ways of doing things and new solutions to old problems are happening at the speed of light. Look around you and take note of all the creations you see. Then take a look at your own life and make pay attention to your own creations.
Any time you take raw materials, whether they are tangible or intangible, and make something new, you are being creative. Any time you solve a problem in a new way, you are being creative. Any time you plan an event and see it through to completion you are being creative. Anytime you change the way you think of something or someone and you have a different response, you are being creative. Any time you chose to do something you have not done before, you are being creative. Any time you take a risk, or choose to learn something new, you are being creative. And of course any time you create something of beauty such as a work of art, a piece of prose or poetry, a lovely decorated room, a delicious meal, a craft, a home or building, a garden or any number things in the traditional sense of art, you are being creative.
If you would like to be more creative – to access the creative aspect of your soul in a more conscious, more nurturing and direct way below are some tips to help you get started:
Take yourself on an Beauty Date - a specific time once a week where you go alone to see and experience something you consider beautiful and has the potential to ignite your creative soul
Ask yourself before you begin a project, even housework or some task in your job - how could I do this in a more creative way? How could I bring beauty to this endeavor?
Begin to use creativity when dealing with your relationships – whether children, spouses, friend or co-workers – ask yourself – how could I use creativity to make this situation come out better and more positively?
If you long to paint, sculpt, write, do crafts or build something – begin a process of allowing time for this in your life. Find others of like mind and connect with them.
Make note of your creative endeavors and creative solutions each night when you have dinner with your family or even just with yourself if you are single - ask the question – how was I/you creative today?
Begin a creativity journal where you write about your desire to be more creative. Pay attention to your dreams and record them in your journal and make note here where you are already doiing things in a creative way.
Remember, we are all creative by nature and simply need to listen and pay attention to our soul urges – once we do, all kinds of glorious and creative things begin to happen.
Now we don’t have to create an Olympic Opening Ceremony or sculpt a David or even have a baby to be creative and in touch with our souls. Everyone is creative by nature and with a little nurture can be even more so. Most of us are a lot more creative than we give ourselves credit for and therefore a lot more in touch with our souls than we may think. The act of creation is all around us – new ideas, new ways of doing things and new solutions to old problems are happening at the speed of light. Look around you and take note of all the creations you see. Then take a look at your own life and make pay attention to your own creations.
Any time you take raw materials, whether they are tangible or intangible, and make something new, you are being creative. Any time you solve a problem in a new way, you are being creative. Any time you plan an event and see it through to completion you are being creative. Anytime you change the way you think of something or someone and you have a different response, you are being creative. Any time you chose to do something you have not done before, you are being creative. Any time you take a risk, or choose to learn something new, you are being creative. And of course any time you create something of beauty such as a work of art, a piece of prose or poetry, a lovely decorated room, a delicious meal, a craft, a home or building, a garden or any number things in the traditional sense of art, you are being creative.
If you would like to be more creative – to access the creative aspect of your soul in a more conscious, more nurturing and direct way below are some tips to help you get started:
Take yourself on an Beauty Date - a specific time once a week where you go alone to see and experience something you consider beautiful and has the potential to ignite your creative soul
Ask yourself before you begin a project, even housework or some task in your job - how could I do this in a more creative way? How could I bring beauty to this endeavor?
Begin to use creativity when dealing with your relationships – whether children, spouses, friend or co-workers – ask yourself – how could I use creativity to make this situation come out better and more positively?
If you long to paint, sculpt, write, do crafts or build something – begin a process of allowing time for this in your life. Find others of like mind and connect with them.
Make note of your creative endeavors and creative solutions each night when you have dinner with your family or even just with yourself if you are single - ask the question – how was I/you creative today?
Begin a creativity journal where you write about your desire to be more creative. Pay attention to your dreams and record them in your journal and make note here where you are already doiing things in a creative way.
Remember, we are all creative by nature and simply need to listen and pay attention to our soul urges – once we do, all kinds of glorious and creative things begin to happen.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Cinema Self Exercise – A Romantic Movie
Here is a fun exercise to do today on this Labor Day Holiday. Describe yourself as you would be in a romantic movie. Answer the following questions and use as much imagery as possible. Use descriptive words and phrases. Make it fun!
What do you (Cinema Self) look like in the movie?
How old are you?
What is Cinema Self’s style or way of dressing?
What kind of car does Cinema Self drive?
Where does Cinema Self live?
Describe her home/apartment?
Describe Cinema Self in as much detail as possible
Who would play Cinema Self in the movie if this were a real movie?
Where does it take place?
Who is the romantic lead
What does he look like
What kind of work does he do?
What kind of car does he drive?
Who would play him if this were a real movie?
What makes him the romantic lead?
What else does Cinema Self do besides date the romantic lead?
Does she have other passions and what are they?
What kind of accomplishments is Cinema Self most proud of?
What do her friends in the movie always say about her?
What is she known for? What is her most famous line?
What do her friend say about the romantic lead?
What is his most famous line?
What is he known for?
What music would be played as backdrop to the movie?
Is there a theme song?
What happens in this movie? Describe the plot and how the plot is resolved? What does Cinema Self struggle with? What is the conflict between her and the romantic lead? How is this conflict resolved? What does Cinema Self learn in the end about love and relationships?
Name your movie and Post it on the Blog here and let's have some fun.
Blessings, Lorraine
What do you (Cinema Self) look like in the movie?
How old are you?
What is Cinema Self’s style or way of dressing?
What kind of car does Cinema Self drive?
Where does Cinema Self live?
Describe her home/apartment?
Describe Cinema Self in as much detail as possible
Who would play Cinema Self in the movie if this were a real movie?
Where does it take place?
Who is the romantic lead
What does he look like
What kind of work does he do?
What kind of car does he drive?
Who would play him if this were a real movie?
What makes him the romantic lead?
What else does Cinema Self do besides date the romantic lead?
Does she have other passions and what are they?
What kind of accomplishments is Cinema Self most proud of?
What do her friends in the movie always say about her?
What is she known for? What is her most famous line?
What do her friend say about the romantic lead?
What is his most famous line?
What is he known for?
What music would be played as backdrop to the movie?
Is there a theme song?
What happens in this movie? Describe the plot and how the plot is resolved? What does Cinema Self struggle with? What is the conflict between her and the romantic lead? How is this conflict resolved? What does Cinema Self learn in the end about love and relationships?
Name your movie and Post it on the Blog here and let's have some fun.
Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Soul and Creativity – Art Waiting to Happen
Think about it – you walk down the street one day and you see this couple – a man and woman are strolling hand and hand, they are laughing and talking together – something we have all seen a million times, but there is something about the woman – an aura that is unmistakable - her step is light, her movements are fluid, her smile is warm and her attitude is joyful – then she turns and you realize that she’s pregnant. Ah, that explains it. They are in love and they have created a baby out of that love. You have just witnessed the connection between the soul and creativity – the original way, if you will, but certainly not the only way.
When we see a great work of art such as Michael Angelo’s, David, most of us feel a sense of soul within that work too. When I watched the recent Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics I felt the hearts and souls of the thousands it took to put on that showcase of Chinese ingenuity. The creativity was awe-inspiring and I felt the collective soul of the Chinese people that night watching it. I call it life as art and everyone can create “babies” whether they are creations of the body, mind or spirit.
Now we don’t have to create an Olympic Opening Ceremony or sculpt a David or even have a baby to be creative and in touch with your soul. Everyone is creative by nature and with a little nurture can be even more so. Plus, most of us are a lot more creative than we give ourselves credit for and therefore a lot more in touch with our souls than we may think. The act of creation is all around us – new ideas, new ways of doing things and new solutions to old problems are happening at the speed of light. Look around you and take note of all the creations you see. Then take a look at your own life and pay attention to your own creations.
Any time you take raw materials, whether they are tangible or intangible, and make something new, you are being creative. Any time you solve a problem in a new way, you are being creative. Any time you plan an event and see it through to completion you are being creative. Anytime you change the way you think of something or someone and you have a different response, you are being creative. Any time you chose to do something you have not done before, you are being creative. Any time you take a risk, or choose to learn something new, you are being creative. And of course any time you create something of beauty such as a work of art, a piece of prose or poetry, a room you've rearranged, a delicious meal, a craft, a home or building you design and build, a graden you plant, or any number things you might create in the traditional sense of art, you are being creative.
Being creative is in our DNA but living life as art is about focusing on being creative. So, if you would like to be more creative – to access the creative aspect of your soul in a more conscious, more nurturing and direct way then here are some tips to get you started.
As I wrote last week take yourself on an Artist Date - a specific time once a week where you go alone to see and experience something you consider beautiful and has the potential to ignite your creative soul
Ask yourself before you begin a project, even housework or some task in your job - how could I do this in a more creative way? How could I bring beauty to this endeavor?
Begin to use creativity when dealing with your relationships – whether children, spouses, friend or co-workers – ask yourself – how could I use creativity to make this situation come out better and in a more positive way for everyone?
If you long to paint, sculpt, write, do crafts or build something – begin a process of allowing time for this in your life. Find others of like mind and connect with them. Make a plan to create and work your plan.
Make note of your creative endeavors and creative solutions to problems in a creativity journal. Have a time at dinner every night to ask your family – How were you creative today?
Begin a creativity journal where you write about your desire to be more creative. Pay attention to your dreams and record them in your journal. If you feel hampered in being creative begin a process through journaling to rid yourself ot limiting beliefs or ideas.
Get help from a coach or creativity group to support you in your creative efforts. People who seek out others are in the act of creating simply by the act of asking for help.
Remember, we are all creative by nature and simply need to listen and pay attention to our soul urges – once we do, all kinds of glorious and creative things begin to happen.
Blessing, Lorraine
Monday, August 18, 2008
The Connection Between Your Gifts and Your Calling
Strengths and Gifts
We hear a lot these days about strengths based organizations and everyone using their strengths at work. I call these your gifts. Marcus Buckingham wrote a really energizing book about this called Go Use Your Strengths at Work. In this book he talks about how to understand and use the strengths you have rather than trying to be all things to all people. He even cautions people to forget about their so-called weaknesses and to focus only on their strengths. I agree. Now this doesn’t mean that you ignore things you are not good at or don’t like to do that would have major consequences – I don’t think putting gas in my car is one of my strengths but if I don’t do it then I’m going to run out of gas and get stranded somewhere, so I do it. But in the big things I try to do only those things that use my best and most significant strengths – what I call my gifts.
When I talk about calling and strengths and gifts, I am not talking just about work related callings. Many callings have nothing to do with what you do for a living. A calling is something you feel compelled to do whether you get paid for it or not. Sometimes your calling and your work are the same or intertwined in some way, but many times they are not.
By the way, you can be good at something and it not be your exact calling. I have a friend who is good at moving. She can organize a move, get all the boxes packed, labeled and stacked neatly in room categories and then she can unpack them and get her new place all organized, pictures hung and kitchen set up all in less than a week’s time. She is an excellent mover, but is this her calling to be a professional mover? No, because it does not call her from deep within – she just likes to have things go smoothly when she moves and she likes to have her home livable and settled once she gets to the new place. She isn’t even a particularly organized person once she gets settled in – she says she is a piler and not a filer. But maybe there is a connection between this talent, this skill and her life’s work – her calling, but I'll get to that in a minute.
But first let's look at what a strength, a gift really is and then we will get to whether there is a connection between some of your strengths/gifts and your calling? According to the theory on gifts and strengths it is something you do well, usually something you love to do. It has what Mihály Csíkszentmihályi calls flow. He wrote a book of the same name and says in it:
When I talk about calling and strengths and gifts, I am not talking just about work related callings. Many callings have nothing to do with what you do for a living. A calling is something you feel compelled to do whether you get paid for it or not. Sometimes your calling and your work are the same or intertwined in some way, but many times they are not.
By the way, you can be good at something and it not be your exact calling. I have a friend who is good at moving. She can organize a move, get all the boxes packed, labeled and stacked neatly in room categories and then she can unpack them and get her new place all organized, pictures hung and kitchen set up all in less than a week’s time. She is an excellent mover, but is this her calling to be a professional mover? No, because it does not call her from deep within – she just likes to have things go smoothly when she moves and she likes to have her home livable and settled once she gets to the new place. She isn’t even a particularly organized person once she gets settled in – she says she is a piler and not a filer. But maybe there is a connection between this talent, this skill and her life’s work – her calling, but I'll get to that in a minute.
But first let's look at what a strength, a gift really is and then we will get to whether there is a connection between some of your strengths/gifts and your calling? According to the theory on gifts and strengths it is something you do well, usually something you love to do. It has what Mihály Csíkszentmihályi calls flow. He wrote a book of the same name and says in it:
“Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. When you are doing it, the time just flies and when you are finished you feel a sense of satisfaction and gratification.”
You will do it again without nagging either from yourself or from someone else. It’s the thing in your job you do best and first or the thing you do in your off work time that no one has to remind you to do.
With my friend the good mover she loves to have a beautiful home and that’s her motivation, her gift. Her home is always a place of beauty, her office as well. So her real gift is making a place of beauty to live and work in, a place where the soul can come out and express itself. Is this her calling? Well, it’s part of it. I would say for this woman beauty and creating beauty in many forms is her calling.
What about you? What are your gifts, your strengths? What do you love to do and no one has to pester you to do it? You do it on your own and love every minute of it? And I mean love it, not just pass the time doing it or to go numb doing it. Some people may watch a lot of TV or read romance novels or mysteries to entertain themselves or pass the time. Or they may play a sport or clip coupons or any number of things, but do they love the activity and lose themselves in the joy of it or are they simply zoning out or getting some fresh air? Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fine to zone out at times – we all need time to just sit and be entertained or to get out and exercise our muscles. I make no fuss with that. No one can be focused on their calling or anything else 24/7. We all need breaks and what you could call turn around time.
With my friend the good mover she loves to have a beautiful home and that’s her motivation, her gift. Her home is always a place of beauty, her office as well. So her real gift is making a place of beauty to live and work in, a place where the soul can come out and express itself. Is this her calling? Well, it’s part of it. I would say for this woman beauty and creating beauty in many forms is her calling.
What about you? What are your gifts, your strengths? What do you love to do and no one has to pester you to do it? You do it on your own and love every minute of it? And I mean love it, not just pass the time doing it or to go numb doing it. Some people may watch a lot of TV or read romance novels or mysteries to entertain themselves or pass the time. Or they may play a sport or clip coupons or any number of things, but do they love the activity and lose themselves in the joy of it or are they simply zoning out or getting some fresh air? Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fine to zone out at times – we all need time to just sit and be entertained or to get out and exercise our muscles. I make no fuss with that. No one can be focused on their calling or anything else 24/7. We all need breaks and what you could call turn around time.
Connections Between the Connections
But when you want to awaken to your calling one place to look is to your gifts and strengths –the things you love to do and are good at, the things you lose yourself in. Another thing to look for is the connection between the connection. What I mean by this is maybe what you love to do is not exactly a calling but something related to it, that is, connected to it, like the woman who is a good mover. Her real calling is making beautiful environments and places conducive to her soul’s expression and her work is one of giving back to the world what she has been given – she is a writer and teacher.
Giving Back What We've Been Given
Another thing I want to make clear here is that I believe a soul’s call has an element of giving back to it. It is not simply for our own entertainment or fun. That to me is not a soul’s call, that’s just self-indulgent hedonism and we all deserve a bit of that but it is not a calling. What I’m talking about here is what James Hillman calls “giving back what you’ve been given”.
If you’ve been given the gift of physical strength and endurance and you use this to hike the Colorado mountains and no one has to nag you to do it – you get up even on cold and rainy days and get out your wet gear so you can still do it – well, that’s for you but you could then organize some hikes and lead others in the joyful experience of the mountains you so love. That would be giving back what you’ve been given. Or you could become a watch-dog for the forests and mountains by joining groups that protect these. Or you could get involved in all kinds of other environmental causes and let your love of the natural world become your calling to keep it natural.
So when you begin the search for your calling look for your gifts, the things you are naturally good at, that is your strengths, then look for the connections between the connections and finally think about giving back what you’ve been given. Then one day you will wake up and find you are living your calling.
If you are still unsure, then maybe you would like to take my class – Awakening to Your Soul’s Call – A 12 week class. I am having a free preview night on Sept. 3rd at 6:30 PM – call me at 720-350- 4092 to reserve your spot. Class begins Sept. 10th - Southeast Denver.
Blessings, Lorraine
Another thing I want to make clear here is that I believe a soul’s call has an element of giving back to it. It is not simply for our own entertainment or fun. That to me is not a soul’s call, that’s just self-indulgent hedonism and we all deserve a bit of that but it is not a calling. What I’m talking about here is what James Hillman calls “giving back what you’ve been given”.
If you’ve been given the gift of physical strength and endurance and you use this to hike the Colorado mountains and no one has to nag you to do it – you get up even on cold and rainy days and get out your wet gear so you can still do it – well, that’s for you but you could then organize some hikes and lead others in the joyful experience of the mountains you so love. That would be giving back what you’ve been given. Or you could become a watch-dog for the forests and mountains by joining groups that protect these. Or you could get involved in all kinds of other environmental causes and let your love of the natural world become your calling to keep it natural.
So when you begin the search for your calling look for your gifts, the things you are naturally good at, that is your strengths, then look for the connections between the connections and finally think about giving back what you’ve been given. Then one day you will wake up and find you are living your calling.
If you are still unsure, then maybe you would like to take my class – Awakening to Your Soul’s Call – A 12 week class. I am having a free preview night on Sept. 3rd at 6:30 PM – call me at 720-350- 4092 to reserve your spot. Class begins Sept. 10th - Southeast Denver.
Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, August 11, 2008
Take Yourself on an Artist Date
My work is about helping people get in touch with their soul’s purpose, their reason for being, their calling. I call it Life as Art. Now some of you may say, hey I’m no artist, but guess what, we are all artists in our way even if we never take up a paint brush, sculpt any clay, write a word for publication, go on the dance floor or act in a play – being a life artist is simply living your life as a work of art. So how does that work? Well, we can do it unconsciously as many of us do – or we can get in touch with our souls in a more direct way.
One of the more direct ways is to go on an artists date as inspiration. So what is an artists date? I credit Julia Cameron in her book The Artist Way with naming this concept. The way this works is you set aside time once a week to take yourself out into the world and find things that speak to you.
A commitment of time spent on yourself – once a week
Time spent solely on you – no companions allowed
It’s a date with your inner-artist, or your inner child
No errands, no cell phones, no dogs, cats or other distractions
Where you go on this date is your choice. Some people go to an art museum, some go to an art store and look at all the gougeous tubes of paint, paper, canvases and other art materials. Some go to a fabric or craft store, some simply go on a walk in nature, some go to a hardware store, some go to a book store, some might even go look at model homes, some might go listen to music at a concert or a music store, some might go to a play, some might go a kite store and buy a kite and fly it or go to a garden store or the Botanical Gardens if your town has one, or they might even go to a computer store and check out the latest new computer software or to a fancy food market – it doesn’t matter where you go as long as it is something that speaks to you. The trick is to feed your creative spirit. What have you been longing to check out or do for some time but have not given yourself permission to do it or told yourself you didn’t have time? This is your inner artist calling to you.
And by the way, don’t worry about it if what you want to do seems silly – it’s the kid in us that holds the soul’s desire – let that kid out! Remember, you’re going on this date alone anyway, so if at first you feel a little silly, no one will be there to take notice of that. While you are on your artist date don’t allow any of those old inner critics along for the ride – they are not welcome. If one shows up do what Wayne Dyer says to cold germs, tell them “You are not welcome here.”
As for your family or friends not understanding this or even if they give you a hard time about it don’t allow them to dissuade you. When you fill your inner artist with ideas and imaginings you will be a better friend, parent or significant other because you come back to them refreshed and enlivened. And by the way, don't be tempted to invite them along - they need to go on their own artitst dates. You can always get together with them later and compare notes, now won't that be fun!
When you first start out on this commitment to take yourself on weekly artist dates you may look ahead and find that some weeks you won't have time. What I suggest to people is that they make a list of various things to do that are of varying lengths of time. In the beginning it’s best to take at least an hour to do your first artist day. Personally I think two to three hours is best, this really gets you in the mood and builds a kind of foundation for the future. So in the beginning do something really special. Then later when you have a busy week, do one of your shorter activities.
One of the more direct ways is to go on an artists date as inspiration. So what is an artists date? I credit Julia Cameron in her book The Artist Way with naming this concept. The way this works is you set aside time once a week to take yourself out into the world and find things that speak to you.
A commitment of time spent on yourself – once a week
Time spent solely on you – no companions allowed
It’s a date with your inner-artist, or your inner child
No errands, no cell phones, no dogs, cats or other distractions
Where you go on this date is your choice. Some people go to an art museum, some go to an art store and look at all the gougeous tubes of paint, paper, canvases and other art materials. Some go to a fabric or craft store, some simply go on a walk in nature, some go to a hardware store, some go to a book store, some might even go look at model homes, some might go listen to music at a concert or a music store, some might go to a play, some might go a kite store and buy a kite and fly it or go to a garden store or the Botanical Gardens if your town has one, or they might even go to a computer store and check out the latest new computer software or to a fancy food market – it doesn’t matter where you go as long as it is something that speaks to you. The trick is to feed your creative spirit. What have you been longing to check out or do for some time but have not given yourself permission to do it or told yourself you didn’t have time? This is your inner artist calling to you.
And by the way, don’t worry about it if what you want to do seems silly – it’s the kid in us that holds the soul’s desire – let that kid out! Remember, you’re going on this date alone anyway, so if at first you feel a little silly, no one will be there to take notice of that. While you are on your artist date don’t allow any of those old inner critics along for the ride – they are not welcome. If one shows up do what Wayne Dyer says to cold germs, tell them “You are not welcome here.”
As for your family or friends not understanding this or even if they give you a hard time about it don’t allow them to dissuade you. When you fill your inner artist with ideas and imaginings you will be a better friend, parent or significant other because you come back to them refreshed and enlivened. And by the way, don't be tempted to invite them along - they need to go on their own artitst dates. You can always get together with them later and compare notes, now won't that be fun!
When you first start out on this commitment to take yourself on weekly artist dates you may look ahead and find that some weeks you won't have time. What I suggest to people is that they make a list of various things to do that are of varying lengths of time. In the beginning it’s best to take at least an hour to do your first artist day. Personally I think two to three hours is best, this really gets you in the mood and builds a kind of foundation for the future. So in the beginning do something really special. Then later when you have a busy week, do one of your shorter activities.
For example, you might take one of your work breaks and look at an on-line site that has beautiful images or has something that has a special appeal to you and just use ten minutes to check it out. Or you could go on a walk at lunch time and really pay attention to what you see along the way. Or stop on your way home and take a quick trip through a store that has something you’d like to know more about or drive through a neighborhood that has interesting houses. A little detour off the beaten path is always a way to engage your imagination.
I suggest to people that they create an artist basket – this basket will hold your list of activities, some crayons, colorful markers, artist paper, some string, yarn, a few magazines and books, rocks you have collected on your walks, whatever speaks to you. Make two baskets – one for where you work and one to keep at home.
Eckart Tolle talks about awakened doing in his book- The New Earth – Awakening to Your life Purpose and I see going on an artist date as just that – awakening you to what you are doing and what you could be doing if you answered your soul’s call.
I suggest to people that they create an artist basket – this basket will hold your list of activities, some crayons, colorful markers, artist paper, some string, yarn, a few magazines and books, rocks you have collected on your walks, whatever speaks to you. Make two baskets – one for where you work and one to keep at home.
Eckart Tolle talks about awakened doing in his book- The New Earth – Awakening to Your life Purpose and I see going on an artist date as just that – awakening you to what you are doing and what you could be doing if you answered your soul’s call.
I would love to hear from you on where you went and what you did on your artist dates so let me know by posting a note here on my blog. Until next Monday, have a wonderful and artistic week.
Blessings, Lorraine
Monday, August 4, 2008
A weekly Post and a Sacred Question
Every week on Monday I will post a new piece regarding living a life that matters and one that is soulful and authentic. I will also ask what I call a sacred question. So check in weekly and let me know what you think.
The sacred question for this week is: What is the one problem you were born to understand?
Blessings, Lorraine
The sacred question for this week is: What is the one problem you were born to understand?
Blessings, Lorraine
Friday, August 1, 2008
Is Your Soul Calling You?
by Lorraine Banfield, MA
Many people think of calling as either a religious one, for example in the Catholic church to be called means to give your life to God and become a priest or a nun or they believe it is a vocational one like being called to be a teacher or doctor. Both of these can be soul calls but there are other kinds of calls as well.
I believe all of us are called in one way or another to do something meaningful and purposeful with our lives. This does not necessarily mean something big in the sense of becoming famous or doing something others would call extraordinary. It could mean this, but it could mean something simple and yet very meaningful to you.
I believe as James Hillman says in his book, The Soul’s Code, that each of us has a kind of code imbedded within the deepest part of us, that is the seed of who we are to become and what we are to make of ourselves in this life.
So how do you know if your soul is calling you? Let’s say that you have your career all set up – it’s going fine. You have a life partner and a family- that too is going fine too but, and here is where the soul call comes in – you still feel that something is missing. There is an ache, an itch that you can’t quite get satisfied.
Or maybe something has happened, you’ve gotten divorced, been laid off from your job or the job is fine but you’re bored with it. Or maybe a physical illness has hit you or a financial set back. All was well there for a while but now your life seems to be out of focus and not quite right. I call these calls to the quest, the quest to find that thing that your soul wants you to do.
Although many of the big calls are either spiritual or vocational there are many other kinds of calls. Maybe you are being called to be more creative, more loving, or to give your gift to the world in a more meaningful way. Maybe you hear a call for adventure as in the movie The Bucket List, or it could be a call to be more authentic. Maybe you are called by a cause that burns in your soul like a pilot light and simply will not go out, no matter what. Maybe you are called to be more open with your feelings, more intimate with your partner, more aware of others and their feelings. Maybe your call is to become more authentically who you really are at the core and to do this exactly where you are right now.
Is Your Soul’s Call Getting a Busy Signal?
In the old days before call waiting and voice mail if you were talking on your phone and someone called you, they would get a busy signal. This can happen in a metaphorical way with a soul call – the call comes but you are too busy doing something else to answer it. I call these detours and shadow temptations. The reason we are tempted to not answer the call is a soul call has the potential to upset the apple cart of our lives. Not everyone wants that, at least on a conscious level. A lot of us like things the way they are or we think we do.
There is usually some kind of risk involved in a soul call. Some kind of stepping out there and doing something you’ve not done before. It can be scary. It can be fear inducing. Let’s say you have a soul call to be creative. Being creative implies creating something that others will look at or read and either admire or distain – well, admire is great, but what if people hate your creations – what if you do? Then what?
Or maybe your call is develop a closer set of friends – your call is for community. Uh oh, now you have to put yourself out there, you have to be vulnerable. What if no one wants to be your friend or you don’t know anyone who you even desire to develop a friendship with – so you get busy and don’t answer the call.
Maybe your call is to be more adventurous – but you are 40 pounds overweight and past your 50th birthday – do you have the stamina to be adventurous? You look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself it’s too late – you’re too fat and too old, just go have a beer and watch an adventure movie – that’ll do the trick. But of course it only takes us on a little detour.
Detours and Shadow Temptations
When people are refusing the call they will often go on a detour or be tempted to do something that in the moment drowns out the ringing of that call. A detour is usually less detrimental to you than a shadow temptation. Here’s why – a detour is going off on a tangent that takes your mind to another place such as that adventure movie or moving to a new house or taking a new job or a new lover – these things don’t really hurt you but they don’t answer the call either. A shadow temptation is more serious, it usually involves something more insidiously damaging to you and your soul. Numbing the call with alcohol, drugs, pornography or food is a shadow temptation. Even workaholism is a shadow temptation as it is stress inducing and therefore damaging to your health. Anything that can numb you out so you are unable to think or hear the call of your soul is a shadow temptation.
Answering the Call
So how does one answer the call – how do you even know what a call is or what message it is trying to leave you. I recommend that you develop a daily practice of self-reflection. As Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So begin today to examine your life. Journal writing is a wonderful way to get in touch with your soul. In the Artist Way by Julia Cameron she suggests you do what she calls Morning Pages – three hand written pages done in the early morning before your day gets going on all it’s tasks and obligations. Another is to pay attention to your dreams – to record them and then analyze them for clues to your soul’s call. Another way is to look at your little obsessions – things that you are and always have been drawn to. Pay attention to what movies, books, TV shows you always watch. Ask yourself what excites you. Go on a treasure hunt of your psyche and see what comes up for you.
In the Meantime
Relax! Just because you took the call does not meant that at soon as you discover what the call is about you have to that second go out and make it happen. I believe the soul will have its day or it will make you sick trying but I don’t believe it has to be today. You have some time here, so in the meantime, don’t worry about it – don’t fret – just listen and pay attention and when you are ready and have done the work of finding out what your soul is trying to tell you, go at it slowly and with reverence. The ego is always in a hurry but the soul can take its time. So don’t let the ego take over – allow your soul call some time to sink in and then begin a slow process of setting things in motion.
Blessings, Lorraine
Blessings, Lorraine
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